Post Bikini Show Life...Why I Now Need Therapy.

Hi people out there!!! Do you still exist? Do you think about me? Are you still my follower? Do you wonder what my life is like now? Well, let me answer all your many questions by saying...drum roll please...."I've been one big head case!" - insert laugh here ....honestly, humor is the only thing getting me through these last few weeks. A good laugh, a smile, to make fun of the things we do and the things we put ourselves through. How humor can seriously change your outlook on things. To laugh at ourselves is an act of letting go and moving on...I believe it anyway!

When I think about the last 7 months of my life a couple things come to mind....I made some changes, put myself to the test, just about tortured my body until it couldn't handle anymore, ate like I was living on a deserted island and fulfilled my goal of being a bikini babe on stage. Then what happened was Christmas and New Years and lots of eating and sugar and wine and all of the things I left behind for so long and taking time off the gym to spend the holidays up north with my family. When I vented to anyone about how I had completely lost motivation after the show and just wanted to eat everything in sight, their response was, " Well, Hannah you have been killing yourself for a long time and you DESERVE some time off." Here's what I learned about the word "Deserve" when applied to health and fitness........your body doesn't care how hard you've worked or for how long. If you lose control and decide you "deserve" a break, you can kiss that cute new butt and toned abs bye bye. How long it takes to transform your body, yet how quickly you can go backwards. It's not fair, the world is cruel, US Weekly airbrushes abs on Jenna Dewan Tatum so we hate ourselves and eat 900 calories a day....oh ....am I getting off point? Well, you get it. Side note:  I could use a little post show therapy.

What I will say is this....I've learned a lot these past few months and when the experts, like my husband (hate to admit it) say that this is a "lifestyle" and it has to be "realistic" they are being super serious. And when experts (like me) say that you NEED A GOAL I'm seriously seriously serious. When my bikini show ended I felt almost lost with nothing to live for (ok, kinda dramatic, but its kinda true). You work so hard for one day and then life goes on and no one but yourself holds you accountable and now I have found that that is the true test. Can you continue, can you maintain this lifestyle? and the answer is no. Because you can't eat rice and turkey and eggwhites at every meal and you can't do 2 hours of cardio a day for the rest of your life, and when you see yourself super lean at your bikini show and 2 weeks later your abs no longer look that lean you feel defeated. But I also took diuretics prior to my show and hardly drank water and ate tablespoons of jam, which im still questioning....BUT,you can't live that way forever.

SO, the new goal for me and for you if you want it is to find a realistic way of living, still being aware of food and how much you consume and making a commitment to train at least 4 days a week and on a 5th day do something outside. As well as, prepping food for the week on Sundays or paying Insane Nutrition (sorry, had to plug it) to cook and prep for you. Avoid eating out because you really have no way of tracking it and try and live by the 90/10 rule. During the month, you eat 90% perfect and 10% fun so if you break that down you get 3 days a month that you can enjoy a cheat meal, so you figure about one day a weekend. If you've been thinking about something go get it, but until that day stay focused. You still get to indulge but you've planned it. Maybe it's that bridal shower you're planning to attend or a date night at the movies.

This last week I stopped feeling sorry for myself and moved forward. I have new personal goals which I've written down in a journal as well as making a list of all the things I like about working out (Thank you Alice). That way if I'm being lazy I can look at my list and remember why I need to go. I also made a decision to cut out dairy because it bugs me and my tummy was so much happier without it. My meal plan has similar foods as I was eating during my show, however, Ive incorporated a little more realistic items that I enjoy like Trader Joes Coconut Cranberry Granola with Vanilla Coconut Milk....might sound gross but I love anything coconut. I just make sure to only eat one serving of each and that it fits into the totals Geoff has set up for me.

Life is short, no one is perfect. We all have our shit....some talk about it (clearly me) others aren't so verbal. We are all walking around trying to be the best versions of ourselves....some of us will accomplish our goals and others will remain the same. I know firsthand how you MUST do the work to make the changes. It won't happen overnight (it took me 7 long weeks to see any changes) but if we continue and don't give up it will happen and it's a really amazing feeling when it does. I choose to not beat myself up for any poor choices I have made in the last couple weeks and work on finding a balance.....oh, and Jenna Dewan Tatum really? lunges and calf raises across the baby nursery while rocking your child to sleep? .....ya, how much sleep were you getting with that 24 hour nanny? Just sayin....love your show, but wtf.

Insane Bikini Momma