Hello blog reading world!!
This week in my bikini transformation life was super lame. Monday I made it to the gym and then Monday night I caught a damn cold/ flu combo. I was down and out for the entire week and had already planned a trip up north to visit my mom for her all girls weekend, which consists of her kicking my poor step dad out to live with the neighbors for the weekend while she entertains a bunch of women who come ready to drink, eat, lay half naked in the sun, and do art projects.....well, lets be honest, my 26 year old sister and her 22 year old friend were the only ones lying half naked in the sun topless with thongs....must be nice......no responsibilities, no stretch marks, no fat, good tans....go fuck yourselves....
Ok, got off subject on my hater for young, perfect people rant, but my point was I felt like shit. I barely got a workout in and all I could manage to stomach was soup, crackers and fruit. Being sick sucks and I'm pretty sure I'm a perfect candidate for sickness since I'm on a calorie deficit and forgot to take my damn multivitamin for an entire week :/
One thing I have to mention is this Kim Kardashian situation. She apparently sent a video to her moms new show saying, " I wish I could be there, but I'm just loving this mom thing a little too much at home right now." ....Kim, you are a big liar! Let's please tell the truth....Kim thought this weight thing was temporary and it would melt off as soon the baby popped out. She's now finding she's bigger than ever and could not possibly step foot outdoors, because god forbid paparazzi took photos of her and they ended up on the cover of every US Weekly magazine. She needs to hide so when she DOES come out of hiding she's been starving herself on precooked, premeasured meals and had a trainer kicking her ass at her home gym and she can pretend she's looked like that since week 2 post baby. And I'm sorry, I love my child and was so excited to be a mom and bond with my baby, but a girl needs a damn break! A lunch out, a breather, time to herself, time to feel like a human again and it would be nice if Kim could be real! I would love to hear a celeb have a baby and then post a video saying, " Look, I'm not comin out for a long time, because this shit is fucked up and I'm enormous and awaiting my diet premade meals and my trainer is gonna kill me in the gym tomorrow and I want to run away from this new life...oh, but my baby is really sweet and cute and I would'nt change anything...but WHAT THE FUCK!?"
....Jenny McCarthy would probably say that.
Anyway, I still feel like dog shit and attempted to hit the gym yesterday ( bad idea). One of our amazing members made me soup, but what the fuck, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN IT!!! How do you ask nicely without being a complete diva, "Excuse me, can you please tell me everything that you put in it? Like, actually, can you just write it down and include the proper measurements? Cause it looks really fucking good, BUT I CANT EAT IT!!! AHHHH!". #fitgirlproblems
I've just come to terms with the fact that I may not get more amazing this week. I'm taking care of myself, logging calories, aiming for success, but my health is more important so I'm listening to my body. Plus, I feel like I have Vertigo all of a sudden...god, Im a freakin mess.
And lastly, If you've decided to sign up for a bikini show after having a baby and you're only giving yourself 6 months, don't Google Image " Excalibur Bikini Competition." It will lead to excessive xanax taking and the possible urge to drink 3 bottles of wine, because those bitches are your competition....mother fuckers.
Here's to 400 meter walking lunges next week ;)
Signing off,
Insane Bikini Momma
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