1 Week Out!!!!! I Can't Believe This Is Really Happening And How Did I Not Give Up 5 Months Ago!!??!

 It's crazy to think that this whole self discovery, put myself to the test, be a better me, 6 month journey is coming to a close, although, let's face it....the journey will never really end....I now have this new lifestyle I've adopted that I will need to maintain. Otherwise, that 38 lbs will come rollin back on. That's the thing about diets....you do it, you stop doing it and then you're back where you started. If that's the way you look at it, It'll be a never ending cycle that just continues...you need to make this shit your life....sadly, you must change if you want to see change...I guess that kinda goes for everything in life.

When I look back at the beginning of all this and read my earliest blog entries, I realize that I've changed so much. My outlook on social events, food, exercise, my body and my life have completely been reborn, shall I say....After months of living without many of the things we love on a daily basis like wine, sweets and cheese I have broken this cycle of "needing" these foods to feel good, to decompress and to celebrate. I have learned to use other resources than food to indulge in and feel comforted by. We all love a couple glasses of wine, but do I really need to drink the whole bottle...alone...on a daily basis...no....
Why not get motivated and get shit done in the house, why not get in your car and go to the gym or take your dog for a walk, why not have girlfriends over for coffee, why not write up your to do list for the week so you get productive, why not play and read to your baby.....go get a massage to relax or take a warm bath...there are more ways to deal with your fucked up day than drown yourself in crap at happy hour which will only make you feel worse 12 hours later and a size bigger in your jeans...Believe me, I know :/

The really odd thing is, when you start working out consistently and prepping your food and eating clean your life somehow doesn't seem so tough or stressfull or depressing. You kinda go to this "I'm so awesome" place and you never really come down from it...you have control, a new found strength within yourself and seriously no one can put out this fire you got goin on, BUT I'm not gonna lie...it takes time..it doesn't happen tomorrow...for me it took 7 weeks..7 long, tear filled, fucked up weeks before I saw and felt a difference. Most of us quit before that and the elite ones are those that keep going no matter how they feel, what their friends say, how hard it is to get to the gym or how bad their day was at work. They make it happen one way or another to be the best version of themselves.

That was my goal...in the beginning of all this..to be the best version of myself....I'm turning 34 next week and I had a baby 16 months ago. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I could be elite and to possibly inspire other women in the same way that I've been inspired by others. I still really can't believe I made it....this whole thing is kinda surreal. I've learned a lot about myself that I didn't know in these past 6 months about how much more strength and dedication and heart I have. I have trained sometimes twice a day, cut even calorie free sweeteners out of my diet along with pretty much all sugar, dairy, and alcohol. While planning and hosting events, working on my business, caring for Colton full time and prepping and packing my food. Now, in a different world where no bikini show exists there is not such a need for perfection and double cardio...no need to cut everything out of your diet, but for the purpose of doing this show and expecting some insane results in 6 months a girl had to do what a girl had to do. However, this just makes me realize how TOTALLY DO ABLE a normal gym schedule and meal plan is!

My show is 6 days away and I feel excited yet sick to my stomach. I have everything ready to go, except my sprained ankle is slightly challenged in my 4 inch heels....please send good thoughts my way on Saturday that I'll walk gracefully. At this point, I look like I have a stick up my ass.

Well, I'll end this entry saying this....I'm a little nervous about what lies ahead as far as finding a balance after this show. There is no way to maintain this lifestyle for more than 6 months and 1 day sooooo I will have new challenges in store for me, but I will continue to work at it, and to always have the goal of being the best version of myself. I can't compete with someone else...we are all different....I think being the best YOU is a pretty awesome and attainable goal :)

Insane Bikini Momma