Week 21, 22, 23- THREE WEEKS OUT And I Need This To Happen ASAP Cause I May Lose My Mind.

All I can say is "Thank God time passes and now I only have 3 weeks left of this training hell." And I'm so thrilled that once again I'll be dining out of tupperware for Thanksgiving....obviously I have no plans. I don't recommend doing a bikini show in the middle of the best food months ever and if Starbucks is sold out of pumpkin scones on Dec 15th I promise I will cry. I have this huge day planned the Sunday after my competition which consists of FOOD all day long, however, I'll probably eat breakfast and then die in the bathroom all day....but one can dream pizookies and pizza and popcorn and candy....ugh, im already getting sick.

I've got everything ready to go for my show just need to finalize a couple things before the 14th. This show has literally cost me like 600 bucks and will probably create a whole bunch of new insecurities and now I'm wondering what the fuck I was thinking......

I've lost 36 pounds in 6 months and I'm in a size 26 jean....I don't think I've ever squeezed my ass into anything smaller than a size 27, but let's be honest...there was some serious muffin top happening under a cute flowy blouse at that time. I've worked my ass off and now I just have to figure out how to maintain a healthy balance cause I know I can't eat like this forever. So, I'll be continuing my blog after the show documenting the "fucked up in the head ex bikini queen who is trying to stay in her 200 dollar size 26 J Brand skinny's".....shit....

For those who are curious about what I'm eating, here is what I ate today:


Breakfast- 1 plain rice cake w/ 1 tbs peanut butter and 1/4 of a banana sliced on top.

Snack- same thing as breakfast.

Snack- 2 oz. chicken, 12 asparagus spears and a plain rice cake.

Lunch- 4 oz chicken, 1/4 c brown rice, 1 c zucchini, 1/2 tbs olive oil.

Snack- Chocolate protein shake, 1/4 c almonds.

Dinner- 6 oz chicken, 1 egg, 1/4 c brown rice, 1 cup zucchini (made a scramble fried rice kinda thing).

1500 Calories
86 g  Fat
73 g Carbs
130 g Protein

Clearly I'm eating for fuel not fun. This is not a diet that someone can do for the rest of their life....I can tell you for sure you don't want to do this! What I've taken from this is that a normal meal plan where I started 6 months ago that included balanced meals that totaled 1700 calories was totally do able. I lost the majority of my weight that way, but to fine tune, or shall I say deplete for this show, I had to cut out dairy, sugar, alcohol, processed foods (other than my rice cakes), and decrease my calories. Now keep in mind I'm working my ass off in the gym and doing 5 days of cardio for an hour on top of it...also not maintainable. Geoff told me that soon I may get to do TWO hours of cardio 5 days a week....oh joy....So, the moral of the story is find something you can realistically work with and prep the shit out of it!! Don't crash diet or eat no carbs or do 7 cardio sessions a week, because you know that shit sucks and you are lying to yourself if you think you're gonna do that for the next 20 years. Prepping for this show has given me a whole new perspective on food and portions and if anything has taught me how to eat and how to prep on Sundays and how if you're not prepared you're screwed and you make bad choices.

Here's to maintaining my poker face when I'm hangry and want to kill someone ;)

3 more weeks bitches!!!!!

Insane Bikini Momma

Week 18,19, 20 ....I've Lost Count, But I'm 6 Weeks Out!!!!!!!

I know, I know....Where the hell have I been...well, training my fucking ass off, moving, trying to keep a 1 year old dare devil alive, and somehow starting my own beauty line. I'm officially a crazy person. Why would anyone want to take on so much crap?! Well, my mothers name is Janet Roberts and she spawned me and people say I'm just like her and she can't sit down for the life of her, sooooo pretty sure it's in my genetic makeup.

First, I'd like to discuss moving on a diet. The idea of moving is the absolute worst and you don't realize how much shit you have until you have to box it all up. When you're moving there is no easy access to food, no where to keep it cold so you really gotta prepare that one. Now everyone else just ordered pizza and drank beer, and I may have cried a little in the process of watching them all decompress and sip pumpkin flavored ale. But, let's face it...Ive been doing this for 5 months and Its just not worth a sip of beer at this point....or a greasy slice of pizza. I mean, if I'm gonna cheat it's gonna be super awesome. Like an enormous bag of candy from Sweet Factory.....just sayin.

I have become the mom who just doesn't care how dirty my child is or what he may have just eaten off the ground. One thing I can say is that when youre dieting and training for a bikini show you just don't have the energy to give a shit. We went to Target and I gave Colton one of those vitamin c lollipops, you know, so he'd behave and 10 minutes in he dropped the damn thing. I even stepped on one side of it as we walked past. I thought for a moment, "I'm just gonna keep going...maybe he'll forget about it", but no...he screamed and I just can't handle breakdowns at the moment....without wine and sugar...soooooo, I went back and picked up that dirty lil thing and gave it back to him........don't judge me.

Now on to more fabulous things. I just ordered my bikini for the competition! And of course got my stripper heels! Only 6 more weeks to get bikini amazing and after doing a trial for my competition tan, which looked like Magda from "Something About Mary", I need to find a way to hide pre-show, because as Geoff puts it, "it's not good for business."

  

 I have several people asking me how I was able to get in shape and interested to know what I've been eating. Here's the thing....I stopped complaining about my body and started making changes. It's as simple, yet not as simple as that. I'm not gonna lie, the first 5 weeks are awful and you'll probably cry a few times, but then....you start changing and it just becomes your routine. I'm not special, I don't have athletic genetics, I had a baby a year ago, and I hate not eating Halloween candy. Geoff is just an amazing coach, he knows his shit and I finally starting listening and doing the work. I document everything on My Fitness Pal and I measure EVERYTHING. I follow a strict 1600 calories and eat a balanced diet, except when I have to carb cycle for this damn show. I'm excited to finally have my event and eat a real meal for Christmas, however, if anything, this has taught me how do-able a regular meal plan is. And I wont miss rowing for 45 minutes......Netflix on a laptop on a box while rowing has saved my life.....thank you Natasha, my lil bikini babe.

Here are my latest progress photos:

Sept 1                         Oct 1                                                  Nov 1