Week 11- Man, I got Issues.

Let me begin this last weeks rant by telling you all about my problems ( I mean, compared to some I may not even have any real problems...like Jaycee Duggard...she had some REAL problems...if you don't know who that is don't google it...it'll ruin your day).

 I really can't blame my so called problems on my clean eating since at 11 weeks I'm kinda gettin used to this. I don't really miss sugar that much, surprisingly, but I do miss the occasional lazy days on the couch watching some ridiculous reality show while downing a bag of chips or Cheese-its not keeping count of how many I've put in my mouth, but those days are behind me. I have made an oath to myself to change my life and eat better and I'm pretty sure the Cheese-its got me in this mess...or the pizza...or the In N Out..or the cake...shit....moving on.

As my friend Melissa Loya says, "I'm surprised your dog hasn't made it in a Sarah McLaughlin infomercial yet for everything he's done." Let me just tell you that my dog is a dick. Now, I don't abuse animals, but Oliver has made me a crazy person and contributed to my mental breakdown. Not only does he shit and piss in my house AFTER I try to take him out and he doesnt go, but he lifts his leg on my childs bedroom door and pees on it. I'm pretty sure thats more of a "fuck you" to Colton than it is to me. And when I let him out on our patio for some fresh air, he likes to PEE off the balcony and create a waterfall effect and anyone walking under my patio gets a little refreshing mist. Not only does he have a bathroom issue at the age of 6, but he manages to get Colton to feed him every piece of food originally meant for my child. I do like the fact that that he poses as a vacuum cleaner in time of need, but i'll tell you what I don't like......
When I come home, cook my dinner, last chicken breast in the house, set my warm dinner on the table, walk away for 2 minutes to put my baby down to sleep so I can finally eat because I'm STARVING and I come back to find that Oliver has EATEN MY FOOD!!! That will create lots of tears and the sudden urge to throw your dog off the pee balcony.

I'd like to mention that we had another wedding to go to this past weekend and luckily I packed some peanut butter balls in my purse as a snack, but the problem with that is, it's not a dinner option. I just think to break out a tupperware meal is against some wedding law and everyone at your table is gonna look at you like a crazy person. It all worked out though, because we only had a babysitter until 8:30 and the buffet opened up to eat close to 8:00, so I told Geoff, "Eat a bread roll fast cause we gotta go." So, that's the trick....if you're trying to eat clean and there are probably no options for you at a wedding buffet, have your grandmother watch your child so you have to be home around 8.

Going back to my problems, I can no longer at this point have carbonated drinks according to my husband slash coach....good luck trying to have enough energy to run 30 minutes, do an hour long class and then row for 5 minutes at a very hard level without an energy drink of some kind. It was my one thing keeping me sane....a Diet Coke or Monster once every couple days.  I gave up cupcakes and candy so, like WTF?!

On another note, I can't believe my baby is a year old..... August 16th, 2013 was the year anniversary of me squeezing this full head of hair baby out of my vagina and having no clue what on earth I was supposed to do with him. Since then, I've become quite the professional mom toting my child wherever I go, although, still wondering how it's taken a year for me to get back into shape, questioning the universe as to why I still have this brown pregnancy line down my stomach and wondering how I can zap some of these damn spider veins off my legs....Thank you Colton.

For those of you who are wondering what I'm eating, this is how it goes:

Breakfast: 2 eggs and half Adelle's Chicken Sausage. Cup of tea with Splenda.

Snack- Banana,1 cup strawberries and 1 Chobani greek yogurt ( including dairy this week..for me, it didn't make much of a difference).

Lunch- 3 cups of Kale, 4 oz. chicken, tsp soy sauce, 2 tbs sunflower seeds, 1 tbs olive oil, squeeze lemon. Really yummy salad when tossed all togehter.

Snack-  2 Peanut Butter Balls (recipe is on my blog)

Snack- Protein shake (Chocolate Cytosport from Costco) and 8 oz water and an apple.

Dinner- 4 oz chicken, 1 cup veggies, 1 cup rice or 1 sweet potato

(I bake sweet potatoes at 400 for about 45 min depending on size. I don't foil them...and for the chicken and veggies I put chicken in a glass dish with lemon and then add diced up zucchini, onion and mushrooms on top and add seasoning to everything..no oil. I bake at 350 for about an hour. Super easy and you can put the extra in tupperware for future dinners. I also love to add pumpkin pie spice and a little splenda to the sweet potato. It's kinda like pumpkin pie :)

I try to eat my last meal before 8pm and sometimes I switch up the order in which im eating them....I may want dinner as lunch or feel like a different snack :) 

Now, these breakdowns are according to my activity level, so I don't suggest eating everything I eat if you can't exercise regularly. However, focusing on eating whole foods that are in their natural state and not packaged or frozen is a good start! I definitely recommend eating my lunch and dinner if it sounds good to you and incorporating a protein shake low in calories along with fruit... You can't really go wrong :)

I'm still 16 weeks out so my food right now is totally do able and thankfully so far my body is responding. This is my first bikini show, so if it's not perfect i'll learn from it, but I just want to be able to get on stage and say that I couldn't have done one more thing better and I busted my ass. Wherever that takes me I'm proud of.....But let's be honest, I'd like to look better than ONE person ;)

Till next week,

Insane Bikini Momma