Week 7- Food, Fevers and Fuckin Jenna Dewan Tatum

First, let's talk about the food....it's the least exciting thing to discuss, as chicken and turkey have been my go to staples combined with anything exciting that can make it less disgusting. I've been researching lots of "clean eating" recipes to switch it up and get creative, but here's the thing...I hate cooking. I'm one of those microwave, food kit people where you just open the salad bag and all the nuts, cranberries and blue cheese are included. And why does cooking cost a bazillion dollars? I need like 25 items I've never heard of and can only be found at the health food store. Oh! And I can't forget to mention the ridiculous cleanup process of cooking! Yes, let me cook all day and then clean up all the shit and then run my dishwasher nine times. Wtf....where's my personal chef? :/ ...Luckily, I have found some easy, 4 ingredient recipes that ill be sharing this week and please, if you know of any pass my way. I'm gonna write a cookbook called, " Clean Eating, Only 4 Ingredients, No Bake, No Clean, Bikini Body, Easy As Shit Meals." It may be a hit ;)

Let's move on to fevers. My poor child with a 102 temp for half the week. When you're on 1700 calories, can't drink, can't have sugar and the most exciting part of your day is watching your baby hip thrust to "hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog" and he now has no interest in doing that, it really puts a damper on your day. This whole mom thing, and figuring out what I'm doing on a daily basis is pretty hysterical. You think dieting is hard?  That's a no brainer compared to what's in store when you push a baby out.

Speaking of babies, FUCK YOU Jenna Dewan Tatum. #1 I'm unsubscribing from US Weekly's stupid email news. #2 Did she really JUST have a baby?! Now, I realize that I wasn't a size 0 before or a professional dancer in Justin Timberlake videos but what the fuck....I was a character at Disneyland 10 years ago...does that count?!! And go ahead, Google that shit..."Jenna Dewan Tatum post baby body"....WHERE IS HER LITTLE POOCH? OR BIG POOCH?! How on earth did her baby belly deflate in like a month?! I wore those spanks situations and let me tell you, those do nothing but push the fat to the lower thighs and upper back! And they're hot and sweaty and you don't have a butt crack! I'm serious....they give you a crack-less butt...And good luck peeing in those fuckers. Anyway, even IF Jenna is wearing a Kardashian tummy wrap or stupid spanks her waist SHOULD NOT look like that a month later.......ugh....I need some serious therapy.....

Well, on the bright side, I bought some new costume jewelry from Seattle that I love, The Killing is on tonight, I've got a baby sleeping, some Crockpot Chicken Taco Chili cookin, and I've had some time to reflect about this last week and how I could have done things better. I am putting new goals into action and going to be perfect on documenting all of my food. No sharing with Colton, cause I have no idea what portion he eats, no having just "1 chip" as that leads to me wanting to attack the whole bowl, drinking more water, and pushing myself a tad harder during my workouts, as I feel like ever since I returned from our trip I've been a bit unmotivated. I'm not gonna let this week hold me back...I'm gonna get off my butt and keep workin! (Especially since I was tagged in THE WORST photo of myself this week...gonna put it next to my bed so it forces me to get my shit together).

Moving forward, I'm posting pics at the 1st of every month, because Geoff said from week to week there's not a big enough difference and I'm gonna make myself bat shit crazy trying to compare my body in short periods of time (well that, and the fact that he may go insane listening to me every Sunday have a nervous breakdown ;)

And, of course, I spoke to soon....I now have a screaming child in the next room and that's gonna put off the end of my blog and my ever so promised "deep tissue massage" from my husband. But let's face it....it woulda been 2 minutes of shoulder rubbing followed by a boob grab, so how does a girl relax around here?!??

Insane Bikini Momma