Week 4 - Are you testing me?

Let me just start out my witty rant this week by explaining how the universe brought people into my life that literally fucked with me.....

First, I went to the local farmers market. Harmless...organic fruits and veggies, maybe some pretty flowers for my house, and as I walked thru the aisles heard several voices saying, "come check out my salsa and chips," "come try my bundt cakes," "come try my kettle corn".... (now when I say voices, I mean there were people actually talking...I'm not going insane yet...at least I think) and then I came across a table of jams. That's right, fruit jams of all flavors. Adorable packaging, cute labels, but still I can't buy any. Too much sugar, don't know measurements or how many calories in each serving. I mean I could guess, but you know what they say about guessing and dieting..."you're still chubby"... (well, actually no one says that, I'm just assuming that's how it works). Anyway, the jam people wanted me to try a sample and I was like, "no that's okay," in a very nice tone, and then they said, "what, you don't like jam" and I was like, " yes, of course I like jam" and then they were like, " I mean, our jam is good " and I was like " ya, I'm sure your jam is good" and then it turned into me in the shopping mall walking by those kiosks where people want to straighten your hair, give you a sample or "ask you a question" and all I wanted to do was scream and yell, "I'm on a fucking diet!!!! I don't want your damn jam!! I'm sure it's good!! Probably delicious, but fuck off!!!!"
 Leave me alone crazy jam people!!!!

I'll now move on to my mani pedi. I'm a new mom to a 10 month old who rarely has time to herself so this was a treat! My girlfriend took me to a new place in Orange to get our nails done. I was excited, ready to relax and clear my head, had my protein shake in my purse if I got hungry....and then....they offered me champagne...complimentary champagne. When does that ever happen?! I said "no thanks" and sat back in my massage chair. Then....THEY BROUGHT ME A FUCKING PLATE OF CANDY!!!! I'm not even kidding, here's the photo for proof.

 How does that even happen?!?! Where's my US Weekly or People mag?! Geezus! (managed to avoid the candy plate...thankfully there was a very strange assortment..you know, butterscotch and strawberry hard candies...who likes those?! Yuck)

And finally, my Saturday bridal shower situation...... Here's the deal, this was the biggest event for me since starting to eat clean and I could not fuck this up! I wouldn't have missed it, but I knew it was gonna suck balls. I packed an apple and my taco bowl which I had pre measured at home (4 oz ground turkey, 1/2 c black beans, 1/2 c brown rice, 2/3 cup corn, lime and cilantro). Its kind of awkward, to say the least, having to ask the host if you could use their microwave to heat up your lunch. BUT, a bikini momma must do what a bikini momma must do! And seriously, you would never have believed what they served at this shower!!! A 6 FOOT, AS TALL AS MY HUSBAND, BURRITO!!!!! I have never in my life seen anything like it! (please see larger than life burrito below...2 actually)

 And on top of that, someone made homemade chocolate marshmallow pops and chocolate covered strawberries! Why is the universe so damn cruel?! And I don't even want to get into the corset cake....the boobs alone could have fed a starving family in Africa. But, let me say, after all that, I stayed strong. Didn't indulge, stayed true to my 1700 calories and the world didn't end. On a side note, I recommend dragging your 10 month old to these types of festivities, because you will have absolutely no time to even consider picking up a marshmallow stick (good boy my busy Colton).

Lastly, I just want to express to all of you who read my blog weekly (thank you), that in only 4 weeks I've seen some major results. Not only in the way I look, but also in the way I feel. If I would have only committed myself to 4 weeks months or even years ago, look what I could have done. And I've learned sadly, in the last month, that it's ALL ABOUT THE FOOD. If you can't change it, you won't ever get the results you're looking for. It's such a simple thing to know, yet a much harder thing to do. But if you never do it, you'll never know how darn fabulous you can be.

Here's my half naked bikini shot this week (funny how I DON'T regret NOT eating that burrito or marshmallow yesterday ;)

 June 16 2013       June 23 2013                                       June 30 2013

Insane Bikini Momma